Comedian Billy Porter was born in the well kept and quaint wee suburb of Glasgow called Shettleston. (AYE RIGHT!) When Billy was growing up the area was so rough that the houses had to have their windows boarded up and the window cleaners had to uses a belted sander. Things got so rough the dogs had to go around in pairs:
REX: Rover you keep an eye out, I'm gonna try and have a shite here.
ROVER: Aye Rex but be quick about it, this place is hoachin!
Billy then left school to pursue his ambitious career in a supermarket called Fine Fare (Where you can be fare to your family and your purse) Billy joked away around in the canteen, he was doing such a great job handling meat in the delicatessen that he went on to handling bigger meat in the pubs and clubs of Glasgow. (Boy that's a mouthful!)
Billy became big in Lananrkshire (Not that he wasn't big already, if you take my meaning!) and was so disappointed when MandD's Fun Park opened because before that he was the biggest ride in Strathclyde Park. (Of course it didn't cost five pounds to get on and off him!)
Billy then became big in Glasgow. In fact, Elaine C. Smith once left a message on Billy's answering machine asking him to do a charity event. Of course that was 10 years ago, but if you visit Billy's house he will go to check his machine and declare "Oh! She's always calling me." (How sad is he?) But, Billy later went on to do warm up at the BBC Studios for Elaine's acclaimed talk show. Now, in March of 2007 Billy worked again with Elaine…well, she helped him pull out raffles at a charity benefit. (Seriously though I think the only time Billy will really ever see his name in lights is if he changed his name to Exit!)
If you hadn't already figured it out, Billy is a poof...oops, that's not politically correct…Billy's a vagina delclina. But as he works in rough areas of Glasgow...I think we'll go with scared of THE BEARD! And if you ever see Billy's outrageous blue camp comedy show you'll hear him finish singing :"Ya canne shove yer granny off a bus". Billy always promotes safe sex, so promise him if you're having sex make sure it's safe sex, and if you find sex a pain in the ass...you're doing it right!
